Trite
by Dark Sadistic Angel
Summary: Old Story . 1x2, 3x4. Heero is a writer of gay novels. Trowa is a writer of lesbian novels. Heero thinks he is straight and searching for the right woman. Trowa is outright gay and pretending to be a woman to get a homophobic guy.


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Disclaimers Apply.  
Fanfiction by: Dark Sadistic Angel  
C&C: darksadisticangel at  
Mature Audiences.  
Warnings/Description: 1x2, 1+R, 3x4, AU, Humour, Lemon, PWP, Yaoi.  
Heero is a straight male writer... who only writes gay porn because it is part of his job. And his job is very hard.  
2006/02/04.

Title: Trite

The first time he made his selection of names, he had made a mistake in keeping selecting a male name. It was a natural decision for a male to make, to keep a pen name at least in the same gender as what the author was. Or maybe it wasn't the fact he selected a male name, but the fact he kept the same name regardless of what book he wrote. He should have either chosen a female name or changed his initial pen name to a female name the moment his agent had contacted him and convinced him to start writing gay novels.  
It would have avoided the whole mass of love letters he was getting from the wrong side of the population.  
He still wasn't sure how he was convinced to do so by Dorothy.  
She had claimed that given the way popular culture was now heading- gay novels were the rising genre in a now declining genre of generic romance. People- both gay men and straight women- she claimed, wanted hot steamy and romantic scenes between two guys. Male to male sex scenes, apparently, were less off putting to read then straight scenes, so gay romance books were literally flying off the shelves and racking in more dime store cash than anything else.  
Since he had just finished his last series- an adequate seller, if not really a best seller given its total devotion to a lengthy plot which had not including sex or even a hint of romance within its action packed mystery, Dorothy told him he had better start to include some sort of relationship twist to his book because otherwise his readers would get bored with him in time and move onto another author who was far more entertaining.  
He still didn't know how Dorothy convinced him that being entertaining meant writing stormy gay scenes in the beginning, middle and end of an otherwise perfectly good manly action filled book, making it even all the manlier...  
There was always a slice of time missing in his memory between the time she got the gleam in her eye, and the moment he was sitting in front of his computer, doing her bidding without knowing exactly why he doing it. It was actually Dorothy who pushed him into the book writing business. He had no plans to become a writer, and just one shared semester with the woman- then girl- of English Literature in college, Dorothy had been all over him to become a writer after reading the only fictional piece he had ever produced in his young adult life.  
Apparently it had been a masterpiece, according to Dorothy. Heero had not cared then what Dorothy thought of his writing as he had been satisfied only with earning the credit for the piece.  
He learnt to be worried later, as sometime between then and now, he become one while juggling a full time job as a computer security expert at a small branch of the Catalonia Empire- one of the few family run businesses that could stand up to the largest business in the world- the Winner Enterprise. It was also a business Dorothy's family happened to own, and writing novels, for some strange reason, became part of his duties as an IT staff leader.  
So even writing the gay ones were part of his job, translating into long over time hours. Especially now since Dorothy had handed him orders to write about a subject matter he knew nothing about and had to research a lot on the internet before figuring exactly how the mind of a homosexual male usually worked. It was hard.  
He sometimes wondered why he had to write the male gay stories in his overtime hours? What had it to do anything with being an IT specialist? And why exactly, was he chosen to do the genre? After all, his co-leader Trowa, the other person required to write because they had shared responsibilities, was a real homosexual male. Oddly enough, Trowa fulfilled his duties by writing gay novels of the lesbian variety- under a female name. Of all names, he had chosen to use his sister's. If he wasn't familiar with Trowa's sense of humour, he would have thought his friend to be very sick. As it was, he knew his friend to be so. What seemed to be a prank was actually Trowa's way of showing his admiration for his sister and saluting her. Expressing his brotherly love and taking the term to new heights by including her in his minority world despite her heterosexuality was shown in his liberated usage of her name- Cathrine Bloom. Cathrine Bloom turned out a lot of slutty, sizzling lesbian porn read by both men and women.  
Writing, to Trowa, wasn't as much a chore as it was to Heero, because despite his usual quietness, Trowa could easily spin a whole string of paragraphs to create a two hundred page novel within two or three hours. Trowa had a story telling talent apparently genetically inherited from his family who had a long history of storytelling, and the like, being descended from a whole intermixed line of famous circus performers. Unlike Heero, he even communicated back to his fans with long gushy letters- all in an entirely fake, girly manner that did not just imitate his sex bomb of a sister- it propelled her to high class hooker status.  
If it weren't for the fact the extra attention to the fiction writing Cathrine Bloom actually gave the real Cathrine Bloom a lot of attention she used to promote the circus which she starred in, Heero more than suspected Trowa may have experienced the sharp end of the daggers she excelled in because of his not so conservative letter writing- however much his sister returned his affections in an equally twisted and sick way. Cathrine, after all, still insisted on cooking and washing Trowa's clothes like a motherhen when she was in town, and would turn up to his workplace to bring him lunch and a fresh pair of underwear for Trowa to change into mid-day.  
She was extremely concerned for Trowa's nether regions, and even began given Heero fresh pairs of underwear when she thought they were sleeping together, so that he too, would be as clean down below as Trowa was. Which, in her opinion, was very necessary considering if they were going to have sex together. It had been one of the longest days in Heero's life when he had to convince his co-worker's sister that he was not sleeping with her brother- so the knife at the throat to force him to drop his pants and change underwear was not necessary. He was relieved when Trowa stepped in and informed his sister of the truth before she could strip him down.  
Even if the truth Trowa told her was that fact that he did not wear underwear and she should leave him alone. Thanks to Trowa, it ended up afterwards with Cathrine began bringing him spare trousers to change into, still convinced Heero was sleeping with her brother, and thus needed the items. He had his life still, as well as modesty, and that was all that mattered. If it weren't for Dorothy forcing the change in policy to make him make gay novels, maybe Cathrine would have believed that he was straight, and ended the affair to a manner more to his liking. As it was, he had two closets and five drawers full of dry cleaned trousers versus his four hangers of ironed shirts hanging on the outside wall due to the misfortunate combination of very strong women in his life.  
He sighed.  
'What's wrong, Heero?'  
'I'm reconsidering Relena's offer. Maybe I shouldn't have refused it. She may be the only female I can stand.'  
'Relena? Dorothy's big politician lady friend? She propositioned you?'  
'Yes. I'm thinking about it seriously now. She's very attractive.'  
'She has no breasts.'  
'I'm not speaking of her physical attributes, or lack of, I meant her personality. She is very nice, kind, gentle and...'  
'Not like Cathrine or Dorothy?'  
'Exactly. She's not domineering, or' Heero spread his hands to indicate his frustration, 'completely out there like those two- and practically all the women I meet and tried dating with. Everyone seemed to think I have some sort of masochist streak and like taking their orders. But Relena's very different. She actually asks me to do things, not order me. She's very sweet. Like a rose. She's everything a woman should be. It's so rare to find a lady like her nowadays.'  
'Roses have thorns, my friend. That lady's sweet, sweet poison. Think about it carefully... She's Dorothy's friend, she's our age, and she's already the Vice Foreign Minister of this country.'  
Heero shifted in his seat uncomfortable, then grunted.  
'You do know, it is always the quiet ones. Think about it. I am a quiet type myself, and you only, know exactly what I get up in my spare time.'  
Writing lesbian novels. Throwing knives at the circus as a semi-part time job. Participating in the occasional big time drug bust by pretending to be a cop. Screwing around like the gay version of James Bond with a twisted sister con. No. Relena wasn't like that... was she? What did he know about her? What did she do in her spare time when she was not doing politics, or together with Dorothy, her bestest friend- who was usually up to some sort of mischief.  
'Hn. Maybe it's not a good idea after all.'  
'You should become gay.'  
'Asses doesn't appeal to me, Trowa.'  
'You just haven't met the right ass.'  
'I'm not gay.'  
'Neither is my most devoted fan, but I'm still writing love letters to him.'  
'Love letters? Is that what you call your correspondence with that person?'  
'Yes. I think he likes me.'  
'Trowa, he's convinced you're a whorish lesbian, and is trying to make you see the right way by sending you letters long enough to be a manual script and religious materials to go with it. Don't tell me you're like the collection of leather bound holy texts you're getting?'  
'I believe it's his way of flirting. He's volunteering to make me his first wife now, provided I mend my ways and stop seeing so many women. He promises it lead me to the path of Allah.'  
'Allah?'  
'He's Muslin, apparently.'  
'He's also delusional.'  
'I know that. Any person who refers to says he is "Quatre Raberba Winner" is delusional. Still, I think he's cute.'  
'You haven't met the guy.'  
'I can tell his personality by his writing and poetry.'  
'He's sending you flames.'  
'They're very nice flames. You wouldn't believe how beautifully worded they are- he doesn't even use a swear word. And he uses alliteration and prose his words to the maximum effect. The sheer intensity of his sexual desperation seeks through so beautifully. Here, I'll mail you the first love letter he sent me. It's an image attachment because I've scanned it to preserve the original. He actually uses ink and pen, would you believe?'  
A new email popped up in his mail box. He read the attachment and blinked. Heero looked over to where Trowa was sitting at his nearby desk. The tall man gave a small smile.  
'What do you think?'  
'You're right. The man's calling out for sex. This letter reeks of desperation and need, not to mention repression.'  
'I'm ready to oblige him anytime.'  
'He thinks you're a woman.'  
'A lesbian woman, actually, so being a gay male is not too much of a difference, is it?'  
'You have two wrongs there- both in the gender they like, and the gender they are.'  
'Two wrongs can make a right. If he takes up the challenge I sent out to him in our last correspondence, I believe we'll meet, and maybe I'll convert the poor virgin man.'  
Heero sighed.  
'I wish you good luck.'  
Trowa shrugged.  
'No need. It's never going to happen anyway.'  
Suddenly he straightened.  
'Heero... is that who I think I'm seeing entering our department?'  
Heero looked over.  
'Quatre... Raberba Winner.' He frowned. 'What does he want? And for that matter, is the heir to the Winner Enterprise even allowed to enter Catalonia Empire property? He looks upset about something...'  
He was speaking to air.  
Trowa was already out of his seat, and despite the entrance being a whole twenty meters away, Trowa was already by the newcomer's side, speaking quietly to the obviously angry rich heir. The tall youth had on his poise of cosmopolitan elegance as he gently lead the scowling blond to the sole private office space in the department which both he and Trowa commanded, but never used. Or at least, Heero never did.  
And he thought, as noises began originating from the closed door only seconds after it closed, he would never use unless they got new office furniture in there. Trowa had now just surpassed Bond himself in speed... as well as skill, apparently. It was fortunate it was now past normal working hours, and that no one else was in the larger department office. Except him. And it looked like he wouldn't be able to complete his latest sizzling novel of homosexual romance with the real thing going on. He glared at the closed door, then packed up his laptop. Damn the two deprived souls to hell.  
Then his frown cleared as he realised something.  
Cathrine would stop hounding him now that it was apparent the Winner heir needed a clean change of pants in the afternoon.  
Heero walked out with a beatific smile. And into a person waiting outside.  
His laptop clattered to the ground, and broke into pieces as he stumbled back.  
'Hell!' Heero swore. 'Now what!?'  
He swung and glared at the cause.  
'Ow,' came a whimper.  
A hand. Rubbing ass. A very cute ass, covered by some very nice tight, black leather trousers. His eyes zoomed and focused on the round, muscular curve.  
'Shit, man, you can't watch where ya going?'  
Heero shook his head, and tore his gaze from the enticing image to the face of the owner of the hand and ass. Glittering blue cobalt eyes look angrily at him from out beneath ragged brown bangs.  
He automatically went on attack himself, no liking how he was distracted and confused.  
'Who are you, and what are you doing here? No unauthorised personnel are allowed in this section of the building. This is a highly restricted area. Where is your clearance card?'  
'I'm Duo Maxwell, bodyguard and driver of one Quatre Raberba Winner, pal. He's in there to see Cathrine Bloom, and I'm waiting for him.'  
'Your presence is unnecessary. This building is already secured.' Heero looked Duo up and down. Hn. He was nicely built, he noticed vaguely. He then focused his attention back on Duo's face. 'Where is your clearance card?'  
'Down my pants, buddy boy. What? You're going to take it from me? I've perfect right to be here,' growled the young man before him as he stood.  
They came face to face as he drew up to his full height. Duo attempted to appear threatening by leaning in, but it did not achieve the effect. Heero noted they were equal in height. He also noted that if he leant just a little forward he would be able to kiss his lips. Heero blinked. What was he thinking? That thought seemed to come straight out of one of his recent best sellers.  
'Well, I have to see your ID.'  
That line had been used on page two hundred and eighty nine, paragraph two, when the search had turned into a full blown sex scene between an official and...  
'Is that a come on? You wanting to get into my pants, huh?'  
Why not?  
The long hair man stared at him with wide, surprised blue eyes. Heero then realised he must have said his thought out aloud. His line of sight was drawn to the parting of the man's lips as Duo opened his mouth to speak. And Heero found himself silencing the words before he could.  
Breath, tongue mingled. Then hands followed the exploration of sensations.  
In a short period of time, Heero discovered that he truly enjoyed a more hands on practical approach to research, although the supplementary material he had read previously did come in handy. He also discovered black limousines weren't only used for funerals.  
There were more mysteries in the world than he could ever write about or explain- like why a rich religious pure virgin... ex-virgin, Heero amended- kept on staff a rigorously flamboyant streetwise gay driver. He found out Duo to be even a big fan of smut and action books by Odin Lowe when Duo quoted a nasty line to him as they entered the vehicle, where Duo kept a collection of necessary items.  
But the most confounding moment Heero then experienced, as his senses were near overload with the feel, touch, scent and vision of Duo Maxwell underneath him with his braid half undone, was how perfect Duo's ass felt against him.  
He groaned as he buried himself deep inside Duo. It was like heaven and hell at the same time.  
The world truly was, a very confusing place.  
He stopped thinking as Duo took him to a corner of it that he'd never been before.  
Afterwards, as they laid, a little awkwardly in the back of the limousine holding onto each other, Heero then remembered to introduced himself.  
He was, after all, not entirely without social graces.  
'I'm Heero. Heero Yuy,' he said huskily, against Duo's ear.  
Duo's body shivered against him.  
'Damn, don't be telling me that you want a martini next, Agent Yuy.'  
'I don't drink.'  
'Smoke?'  
'No.'  
Duo rubbed his face against Heero's shoulder like a cat, and purred.  
'Have sex with strangers?'  
'Only once.'  
'Want to make it twice?'  
Duo wiggled against him.  
'Or maybe a few times more? Or at least, until Quatre comes back. Sorry, but I'm actually still on active duty here. Gotta look out for him. He's actually a great guy and all, but he's a little sensitive to certain issues- like us fucking on his limo seat.'  
'Not a problem.'  
The blond was probably doing just that on the office seat that was assigned to him. Not that he cared any longer. In fact, he quietly blessed Trowa's health- for Heero knew he could be reassured that the tall athletic man would keep Winner all night in the office.  
Heero touched Duo's cheek lightly with the knuckles of his hands and traced the curve of the soft, pale skin.  
'Heero...?'  
'How good are the suspensions on this vehicle?'  
'Pretty, damn good, I'd say. I designed and made them myself,' said Duo proudly.  
'Let's test it.'  
'Oh- mmmn!'  
As their lips touched, Heero felt a strangely familiar warmth rise up from his core, and spread out through him. Perhaps it was then, he started to truly understand why relationships were important, and depicted in so many stories. Despite only knowing the man in his arms for less than a few hours, he felt some sort of confusing connection with him.  
It was almost... No. It was.  
Exactly like the trashy gay romances that he wrote.  
But that was alright with him.  
His romance novels had steamy sex scenes in them, and he found that he was very much interested into making them reality. With Duo as a very willing partner.

Fin.


End file.
